Working in a Toxic Workplace? You Are Not Alone

Fifteen months ago, America entered a state of lockdown. The pandemic began, and our sense of normalcy shifted. The ride has been tough, but I managed to learn important life lessons along the way. It has taught me how to navigate work and family. I went from working with a team of twenty individuals to working from home, isolated. Navigating zoom calls became a daily routine. Amidst the chaos, I had to deal with not only a difficult work environment, but a toxic and mentally exhausting one.

Managing a work-life balance is challenging while working in public accounting. Incorporate a government pandemic shutdown and it becomes nearly impossible. While I was working from home, my family was suffering the repercussions of isolation. My two children, who were used to daily social activities, were forced into online classes like many children in America. My daughter was a high school senior, and she was stressed with the prospects of college. The idea of change resulted in a mental breakdown, and she was institutionalized on March 13th, 2020, the day her school announced they were closing due to the virus. Meanwhile, my eleven year old son, an active soccer player, went from attending practice four times a week to staying holed up in his room every day. I was watching my kids suffer, which never makes a mother feel good. 

My kids were suffering, and I was beginning to suffer too. Two months had passed, and my company announced they were going to begin layoffs, halt pay increases, and delay promotions. I immediately began to worry, but I had been working for twenty years, so I was financially stable enough and could handle being laid off. My years of hard work soothed my anxiety. Albeit being laid off is never easy, I had to accept the fact that I could be on the cut list. The odds were against me, all because of a detailed email I wrote a couple months into the pandemic shutdown.

I guess the odds were never in my favor as a Latina woman who was not afraid to speak out against men in power. I was working in a toxic environment for four months, and I found the courage within me to bring attention to the problem. For those four months, I was subjected to humiliation and constant belittling. The lead partner, who happened to be a man, would often abuse his power over my colleagues and I.

I felt especially targeted after he yelled at me a couple of times in front of my colleagues. When things weren’t done within his illogical time, he would raise his voice and demand a reason. Often times, the reason would be because there was simply not enough accurate data to complete the tasks, which was beyond my control. But he never cared. He wanted it done, no matter what. His unreasonable demands caused me to feel uncomfortable. Then, I noticed that his hostility was reserved for me. He would say things like “I don’t understand,” and it made me feel insecure, which was uncharacteristic for me. His tone was condescending, and I wanted to investigate further before claiming any ill intent. As I was observing his behavior, I found that he would often interrupt the female staff, never letting them fully finish their sentences. His sexist behavior caused me to feel as if I was walking on eggshells. I never wanted to be in the same room with him. There was no doubt in my mind, this man was biased.

His behavior was no secret. Everybody witnessed his abuse of power, and a manager came to talk with senior management to help alleviate the situation. It was comforting to know others were seeing what I had been seeing. It validated my emotions, but things were only going to get worse. Two members of senior management had a meeting with him to discuss the team dynamics, and his attitude changed for the worse. He stopped communicating with me and ignored me completely. I gather he thought I talked ill about his behavior to others, but I had done no such thing. It was obvious. I didn’t have to tell anyone, his condescending attitude was broadcasted enough. I came to the conclusion that he was not self-aware at all. He mistreated me in front of people and thought nothing of it. He didn’t think people were going to notice.

I became anxious, and I dreaded work every day in fear of his mistreatment. I couldn’t work in an unhealthy, high demanding environment. It was an unreasonable demand. In full confidence, during a performance review, I informed my immediate manager of the circumstances. I no longer wanted to be a part of the team, and I had hoped for a seamless transition. I wanted to be removed from the team without any repercussions or retaliation. Looking back, I can see that was naïve of me. Of course, the odds were against me.

Nobody deserves to go through the hardships I went through. I wanted to bring awareness to the problem, so I wrote a lengthy email detailing all of the problematic situations I found myself in and sent it to Human Resources. I didn’t take the decision to reach out to human resources lightly. I understood the severity of the situation, and I realized I could face retaliation. Despite the fear, I had enough courage to face the consequences of my actions. I felt brave, even empowered, because his actions were not going to go on unchecked. My experience and the other women’s experiences on my team had to be known. Before consulting with HR, I asked others for advice, and they advised me to reach out to Talent Management to bring further attention to the issue. An independent investigation began, and it was concluded that my claims were valid, further validating my hardships. They said they were going to handle the problem accordingly.

I had high hopes for the resolution, but the fear of retaliation was stronger. At this point, I was expecting harsh consequences for speaking out. It can be scary when speaking out in a male dominated industry, and I was ready for the worst. A few weeks later, I was laid off. They claimed it was due to the pandemic, but the timing was almost humorous. The meeting lasted no more than fifteen minutes. The partner read a tedious statement (the legal team probably provided the template), and a Talent employee explained the severance package in more detail. It felt robotic and impersonal, which is expected of the professional workplace, but it hit me even more following my complaint. It felt as if the two were linked; speaking out and being laid off.

I don’t regret my decision to speak out. His actions needed to be stopped. He was a man in a position of power and probably had never faced retaliation for his misconduct. I thought of the women before me, who had to go through the same mistreatment as I did. The idea of his oppressive treatment continuing was unacceptable. I was not going to stay silent, it was simply not an option for me.

Unfortunately, this type of injustice in the workplace is common. Male dominated industries like public accounting often sweep situations like mine under the rug. It’s a terrible truth, but there can be change if victims choose to speak out. A positive outcome is not always guaranteed, so expect the worst and hope for the best.

If a company allows toxicity to exist, that means those in power at the top of the company display the same type of behavior. The most recent Diversity, Equity & Inclusion report published by Deloitte, a Big Four professional services company, showed that in FY 2021, women in client service leadership positions accounted for only 22.9% who are 9.4% Asian, 2.5% Black, 1.5% multiracial, and the remainder, 9.5% White. Client service leadership representation consists of Partners, Principals and Managing Directors (PPMDs). These client service leaders main responsibility is to manage critical relationships with the company’s trusted clients. In a male dominated industry such as public accounting, we must work hard to fix a system that has always been against us.

What can you do if you feel mistreated in the workplace?

1. If you feel mistreated, speak out. Don’t be afraid, and trust in your own feelings and abilities. Never doubt yourself, even in a situation of oppression in the workplace. Consult with HR to weigh in how you can alleviate the situation.

2. Consider leaving the job. You don’t want to work in a toxic environment that in the end will affect your personal well-being. Do not compromise your mental health. It is not worth it.

3. Lean into your network; your family, friends and co-workers you trust, so you can feel supported while making hard career decisions.

4. Practice self-care to ensure you don’t suffer burnout. If you have too much on your plate, don’t feel guilty for saying no to another project, and consider reducing your workload.

After facing mistreatment in the workplace this past year, I learned that life can take unexpected turns, I had to learn to adapt, go with the flow, and never lose sight of my strengths. As the country is reaching the end of the pandemic, I am looking forward to spending this summer with family and friends. I will continue to advocate for myself, and I aspire to be a pillar of support for women forced to cope with unacceptable working environments, who feel as if there are no other options. I am here to tell you that you are not alone.